the pen cannot do it without you

Keep Writing

When what you write
makes you cry,
keep writing.
When the words
are coming slowly,
or too quickly,
or not at all,
keep writing.
When the stories
won’t tell themselves
the way they showed up
in your head,
dammit,
keep writing.
When you are tired
or bored
or sad
or angry
when you are freshly dumped
when you are floating on air
when you are wicked
when you are good
when you are stuffed
when you are starving
when you are sure
there is not one more thing in the world
to say,
keep writing.
You are not here
to be significant
or meaningful
or even great,
you are here
because the pen
cannot do it
without you.
So pick it up
and park your ass
and write
and write
and write.

Colleen Wainright

 

wifi

Oh Lord, this little white box on my lap and its magical, invisible companion, WiFi.

Was there ever anything so marvelous and so terrible?

Jennifer McGuiggan at the Word Cellar

Blossoming

I read Soule Mama’s post this morning and it made me feel peaceful.  As I was reading of how her children view seasons, years and time I remembered similar discussions Adam and I had when we were little. We got such a kick out of calculating how old (ancient and crumbling) we would be in the year 2000. It seems hard to believe that we did grow up and not only hit that year, but it’s been twelve more years since that milestone.

It takes many years for a tree to bear fruit, but when it does….we’re so glad to have planted it. We don’t refuse to eat its offerings because they didn’t come sooner, yet  it is so much fun to put in peas or lettuce and know that with a little attention, we will have salads in a matter of weeks.

Her post made me think about how important it is to have projects and plans….long-term and short-term. Something always in the soil so to speak.  I like the instant win I feel when I make a mirror or a wallet or a journal, but I also know that my time spent writing is valuable and someday all those pages filled with words that seem so disjointed in the moment will someday reach their blossom time and I’ll be so happy to have written them.

I have been writing more these days and finally added Morning Pages back to my daily routine.  I realized that writing is more important to me than anything and yet I am afraid of it.   I think it is because I have always known it is what I am meant to do….I have stories to tell and it scares me that somehow I won’t tell them well enough or worse…that they won’t be understood.  I am just beginning to let that go. I’m in the early stages of shaking off the fear.

I also think of how my weight has ballooned and my health has deteriorated and of how years ago, I didn’t think in terms of seasons. I wanted instant weight loss and health and it didn’t happen.  Now I am finally understanding that little seeds of self care may not pop out of the earth tomorrow, but they will break through at some point and I won’t be unfriendly when they do.  I can see the value in taking action and letting my current body merge with my future body slowly without the big impact I used to crave. I can be patient.

I am so glad for the internet…to think that one person’s blog post this morning opened up a whole world of thought in my studio while I sat drinking tea.

I know the picture doesn’t quite fit the post, but I did a search on etsy for blossoms and this popped up. Isn’t it great? I remember the song and it used to embarrass me, in fact it was the only song I requested the D.J. not play at our wedding because I didn’t want to be reminded of my own ample derriere that day or feel foolish if somehow I ended up being the only one on the dance floor when it was playing. Isn’t that nuts? Especially the part about me not wanting to feel foolish considering that I went full-out John Travolta on the dance floor with my friend Sandi when Stayin’ Alive came on.

Brushes

Image

Things have been busy, life has been full and yet sometimes I feel the need to empty myself out…to shake out the pockets of my spirit and brush away the tiny pieces of here and there or this and that I’ve accumulated along the way. I feel this way a few times a year, but almost always during early spring.

I am slowly coming out of hibernation.  I don’t want to be rushed. Nothing is worse than being jiggled, jostled, jolted or jarred out of a deep sleep when you want to keep dreaming, but on some level I feel the sun and know that now it’s time to get moving again.

I am lucky….I have two galleries/shops who want my mirrors and this is the week of shipping! Making the collages has been far more rewarding than I ever expected.

Isn’t the photo shown above gorgeous…it is by Karen Michel and I found it on Pinterest (a dangerous place to visit).

I decided not to grow vegetables this summer, but to plant a whole garden of flowers instead….I’ll frequent farmer’s market for my food and make beauty in my tiny plot of back yard.

Happy day and here is a thought…

Behold, my friends, the spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love!

Sitting Bull

 

 

Right Now

I am:

  • packing to go to Illinois for a few weeks
  • preparing the studio to be painted while I am gone (yes!)
  • enjoying decaf coffee for an interesting switch
  • grateful for an interesting talk about marriage this weekend
  • surprisingly sad about Whitney Houston’s death
  • burning Hope incense
  • looking at the last photos of the studio in its current state and excited about how it will look when it is finally painted and organized. The “After” pictures are just a few weeks away.

 

a little later

so far…

Hope incense in burning…I need an infusion. These boys are playing…loud and heartfelt.

Journal making is progressing…for no one in particular…just for me right now and this is nice.

Winter blues seem to have set in, but perhaps it is deeper than that. I’ve been reading a lot about serotonin and dopamine levels and plan to add healthy food and activities that safely and naturally boost both. In the meantime, enjoy the day and maybe I’ll be back with some more journals later. If anyone out there has tips for pretty deep-set winter angst please feel free to comment.

best laid plans

Today didn’t go as planned and I had a hard time getting into some sort of alternative plan groove. So, I made a journal. I am not saying I’ve found yet another “new thing” to make, but I had a lot of fun piecing this together from scraps and love how seamless the look is.

OK, so maybe someday Manitowoc will have a Japanese restaurant and a gourmet deli stocked with organic treats and a movie theater that shows matinees on weekdays. In the meantime, I may be making more journals.

I think I’ll go for a walk first.

pretty mess 2

I like catching these random “messes” around the studio. Suddenly I’ll notice how what was simply me emptying my hand of crystal drops on the nearest flat surface (the windowsill) yesterday, is now a mini-scape of some sort.

Lot’s of contemplation the past few days. I am understanding myself better than ever and seeing, for lack of a better term, (or is it the best one?) my own geometry quite clearly.

I lack a certain type of creative discipline. I’d love to be paid to sit on a throne like an oracle and just toss out ideas for art and writing projects and let others go develop them. I like ideas and have great vision, in fact, I think my true gift is my creative vision, but so far, process is my greatest challenge.

We shall see. I’m working on it, but may have to go get a cup of coffee to help me stay focused.  They aren’t paleo, but man could I some blueberry pancakes!

 

 

 

 

gems

Tet: 1975 Year of the Cat

Today

we all gain one year in age,

no matter the year we were born.

Tet, our New Year’s,

doubles as everyone’s birthday.

Now I am ten, learning

to embroider circular stitches,

to calculate fractions into percentages,

to nurse my papaya tree to bear many fruits.

But last night I pouted

when mother insisted

one of my brothers

must rise first

this morning

to bless our house

because only male feet

can bring luck.

An old angry knot

expanded in my throat.

I decided

to wake before dawn

and tap my big toe

to the tile floor

first.

Not even Mother

sleeping beside me, knew.

From Inside Out & Back Again by Thanhha Lai

Winner of the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature and based upon her own childhood as a Vietnamese immigrant to Alabama.

the day in pictures

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Missing from the show and tell? Movie tickets, lots of laughs, a good friend and one perfectly gorgeous persimmon!

indecent exposure

This book came into my life a few years ago. I highly recommend it.

Think about this quote and all that it means:

One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being.
May Sarton

Sometimes it feels that way doesn’t it?

Though perhaps at times we mix up our priorities and our standards are too high. How many of us feel indecent because we decided not to go to a party in favor of staying home in pajamas and watching a movie?  Or because we forgot to write “Happy Birthday!” on a facebook friend’s wall?  Some cringe at the thought of surprise visitors because we deem our housekeeping lacking.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have life standards or some kind of personal code of decency, but I think it’s common to worry about indecent exposure over things that shouldn’t matter all that much. I find striking a balance between my true life code and the inconsequential things a bit of a challenge.  Just when I think I have my priorities in line I wind up feeling deep shame because I ate some cake or I become an apologist for my appearance when I know better.

Do you ever struggle to find your sense of balance in this way?

a pretty mess

I noticed this little mess on the table today, isn’t is pretty as far as messes go?

Speaking of pretty messes...Cate Parr...I love you:

across the miles

These are two greeting cards I received during the holidays. One came from Amsterdam and one came from just outside Washington D.C.

Notice the similarities. The colors and the flower in the center of the heart compared to the design on her dress. It is like they were made to go together, so now they do.

I’ll bet if you read this blog regularly you are starting to figure something out.

I don’t sleep.

I’m in an odd sleep cycle so I just go with it. I am hoping to break the pattern on my birthday (which is coming up). I made reservations for myself at a local bed and breakfast and I plan to sleep when I am there. I’m making sure my body knows this cycle of awake, awake, awake needs to end. Do you ever have a hunch that something will change shortly and know that trying to make it happen sooner is impossible?  It isn’t about too much caffeine or light or noise…it’s just here.

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.  ~Fran Lebowitz

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.  ~Charlotte Brontë

I’m not asleep… but that doesn’t mean I’m awake.  ~Author Unknown

The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can’t get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.  ~Edgar Watson Howe

4:38 a.m. windowscape

Such a bleak looking scene after what was quite a lively street at bartime.

Dawn:  When men of reason go to bed. 

Ambrose Bierce

This is the view from our little laundry room patio. Normally the tree blocks the site of the old Manitowoc Hotel & Bank so it’s nice to see it lit up.

This song is on right now…it puts me in a melancholy mood…a little emotional, but that isn’t such a bad thing. Not tonight anyway. Mark and Selkie are sleeping like babies and I’m reading, doing laundry and Spotify is meeting my music needs. Not too exciting for a Friday night, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

peaceful easy feelings

I’m in the very early stages of working through Christine Mason Miller’s Desire To Inspire. I was fortunate enough to win a copy in a giveaway on Pixie Campbell’s blog. Lucky me.

I will report more on the book later, but I am already knocked out by the beauty of the images and words.

In other news: Some versions of Paleo chocolate chip cookies are a bad experience, but as far as bad experiences go…

Two quotes have me thinking:

  Rivers, ponds, lakes and streams – they all have different names, but they all contain water. just as religions do – they all contain truths.
Muhammad Ali

And this one, which I relate to wholly and fully:

I restore myself when I’m alone.
Marilyn Monroe

I love this song:

early in the morning

 

It didn’t snow last night. I waited, but it never happened. Maybe later.

That cut crystal ball shown above has sat upon the dressers of women in my family for over 100 years. We’re a family of good intentions, but many things have been left behind, broken or lost along the way, so it is especially important to me. I don’t have a dresser, but I like it randomly placed around the apartment anyway.

The day ahead is busy. Writing, moving some boxes downstairs, hair appointment and maybe some pictures of my latest batch of nabat which turned out magnificently!

In the meantime…short and sweet:

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
– Havelock Ellis

 

vintage indian florals

My love for vintage textiles and patterns is no secret so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that it is 3:02 am here and I’m up looking at some of my favorites from this book (thanks mom). Most of these are from the mid 1800′s. Love.

After you lose yourself in the patterns, be sure to stop by here and get in on a $100 gift certificate for meat from US Wellness & Meats, unless you are a vegetarian, in which case you may prefer this  one (I believe it goes until Tuesday morning).

Ane Brun & Double Dog Dares

 

 

I’ve been “juicing” like a madwoman lately. My new favorite blend is cucumber, pear, ginger and celery.

This video was/is inspiring.

I’d like to invite you to join in over at the Squam blog if you need a little help or motivation in the day to day with short or long-term projects. You can post your need/resolution/intention or what you need to be dared to do and check in every Thursday.

If you read the comments you will be knocked out by the support being demonstrated…women to women.  Women declare their intentions from organizing, finishing writing projects, doing taxes, losing weight or even simply becoming a little less introverted.

I’m not exactly a team player when it comes to my needs and asking for help, but I did state my desire for a little accountability in the juicing/paleo diet area of my life.  I dared myself to make more smoothies and juices.  I intuitively know this is a good practice for me right now.

Go on over…I Double Dog Dare you! If that isn’t “it” for you, I understand, but invite you to share one of your yearly intentions in the comments here. I’d love to hear from you….

In the meantime…a little Ane is always nice.