Just when I think I’ve done the work and broken a pattern, another one pops up for me to recognize, claim, invite in and then smash to smithereens. It’s tiresome work. Sometimes satisfying, but exhausting none the less. However, I know from experience that it is more exhausting to pretend it doesn’t exist.
How does one see a pattern as it is emerging? Well, usually because it doesn’t feel good and you realize that somehow you are back to your before and before isn’t a place you care to revisit. However, sometimes they creep in all sneaky and unannounced and you don’t notice until someone points them out. At this point you have to feel the truth and decide to embrace the pattern as essentially you and live with it or take a risk, break it and trust that it will all work out in the end.
I have a pattern of giving up. Pointed out to me by my physician of all people…she pointed out that setbacks knock me off the health wagon until I find the next newest miracle. She gently suggested that I break this pattern and not give up my paleo diet and crossfit exercise program. I can make adjustments while I deal with surgery on my shoulder and emerge stronger than before. Just surrender to the surgery she said, but not the pattern of giving up. She believes and I do too, that I am worth the work of breaking this one and pounding its pieces into the ground never to be seen again.
Patterns of resistance also play a role in my life. Resisting that which is good for me and allowing the dysfunctional commitment to resistance to make it stronger and me weaker. In his book, Do The Work, Steven Pressfield makes clear statements about how we cannot afford to work with our resistance to try to get past it. Resistance is the dragon and we have no choice but to kill it.
You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon. KILL IT.
I get it. Boy, do I get it. I am ready to do battle in what I consider to be the fight for the second half of my life. In all areas, but namely physical health and career. I want to be well and I want to be a writer. Actually, I don’t just want to be well or be a writer. I want to be fantastically well and not give up running 5 steps into a mile and be a kickass writer who never gives up five words into the first chapter. I want to stop giving up. I want to start picking up the pieces of some lost hopes and putting them together to form something spectacular.
How about you?