Month: November, 2011

November 26, 2011

patterns and taking risks

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Just when I think I’ve done the work and broken a pattern, another one pops up for me to recognize, claim, invite in and then smash to smithereens.   It’s tiresome work.  Sometimes satisfying, but exhausting none the less.  However, I know from experience that it is more exhausting to pretend it doesn’t exist.

How does one see a pattern as it is emerging? Well, usually because it doesn’t feel good and you realize that somehow you are back to your before and before isn’t a place you care to revisit.  However, sometimes they creep in all sneaky and unannounced and you don’t notice until someone points them out.  At this point you have to feel the truth and decide to embrace the pattern as essentially you and live with it or take a risk, break it and trust that it will all work out in the end.

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I have a pattern of giving up. Pointed out to me by my physician of all people…she pointed out that setbacks knock me off  the health wagon until I find the next newest miracle.  She gently suggested that I break this pattern and not give up my paleo diet and crossfit exercise program. I can make adjustments while I deal with surgery on my shoulder and emerge stronger than before.  Just surrender to the surgery she said, but not the pattern of giving up.  She believes and I do too, that I am worth the work of breaking this one and pounding its pieces into the ground never to be seen again.

Patterns of resistance also play a role in my life.  Resisting that which is good for me and allowing the dysfunctional commitment to resistance to make it stronger and me weaker.  In his book, Do The Work, Steven Pressfield makes clear statements about how we cannot afford to work with our resistance to try to get past it.  Resistance is the dragon and we have no choice but to kill it.

OK?

You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon. KILL IT.

I get it. Boy, do I get it.  I am ready to do battle in what I consider to be the fight for the second half of my life. In all areas, but namely physical health and career.  I want to be well and I want to be a writer.  Actually, I don’t just want to be well or be a writer. I want to be fantastically well and not give up running 5 steps into a mile and be a kickass writer who never gives up five words into the first chapter.  I want to stop giving up.  I want to start picking up the pieces of some lost hopes and putting them together to form something spectacular.

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How about you?

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November 19, 2011

textile stamps

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I have a tiny collection of vintage textile stamps from India and thought I’d make a few bordered tea towels for holiday gifts this year.  Easy and quick? Not so much.

It turns out that mine, carved from wood and not metal like the ones shown above, are tricky and you must have a steady hand. I do not have a steady hand.

If you know me you know that I am more of a zip through it person…slow and precise work isn’t my forte.  I’m on towel two of fifteen and then they have to be heat sealed, washed and ironed.  Whew. A crafty woman’s work is never done.

Speaking of women’s work. It’s that time of year again…

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November 17, 2011

simplicity

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I went to breakfast by myself this morning.  There’s a small restaurant in town I sometimes go to for a $3.75 breakfast ($5.20 if I have coffee) and I always go alone.  It is run by two sisters and most of the early morning diners are older and very much regulars.

It isn’t fancy food and I get the same thing every time. . .two eggs over hard, bacon and skip the toast.  They don’t try to impress you with garnishes or large portions.  You get exactly what you order the way you order it and that is that. I always sit at the counter instead of a table.  I talk to no one and no one talks to me.  I eat, sip my coffee and read sections of the newspapers  others have left behind.  I finish my meal and then leave.

Today I stepped outside the restaurant door and as I was wrapping my long scarf around my neck, I noticed it had begun to flurry, but not in any significant way.  I counted only twelve or thirteen snowflakes and then they disappeared.  No one else was on the street so I felt they were a tiny gift just for me.

Simple and entirely mine.

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November 16, 2011

light against my being

image via

I recently had a conversation with a friend about faith. She observed that while I am a spiritual person, I don’t seem to have a lot of faith in the day to day.

I appreciated the reminder because lately I’ve been in my head about a number of things and I am not residing in my heart-space.  I believe in divine guidance and that there’s help all around, but even so, I still try to control everything.

I’m going to sit with her observation for awhile and just take notice of my tendency to lose myself to plans that are OK if they involve me, but not so good if I start planning and predicting other people’s behavior. I think I have a lot of fear about surrendering to the flow of life.  I know it’s important to have a sense of direction, focus and purpose, but I need to acknowledge my personal belief that help is available simply for the asking.

I think we all have issues that keep us from opening up to things be they spirit or possibilities or people. I love this poem and the idea that we are all roses and we all need to feel the encouragement of light against our beings.

How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart

And give this world
All its
Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,

Otherwise,
We all remain

Too

Frightened

-Hafiz

2 comments
November 13, 2011

cousteau

1 comment
November 12, 2011

easy as abc

 

I went to New York in July and am sad to say that I was deathly sick (no joke) most of the time. However, I did make a few of the essential New York stops, including ABC Carpet.  I love that place and here are three favorites-click the pic to get to the source because sometimes the items are not on ABC’s website:

 

The famous Matta scarves made me swoon…so light and airy, but a little out of  my price range:

I did buy this soap and it is better than I dreamed of:

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November 12, 2011

gypsy water via lapindelune

There are two blogs that have captured my heart and my attention. On one of them I learned of Gypsy Water which has now gone onto my wish list. It may sit there for awhile because it isn’t inexpensive, but it’s a keeper.  Sometimes you just know.

Please visit these two blogs, but be prepared to lose whole days.

logblog

&

lapindelune

Both photos are from lapindelune

4 comments
November 8, 2011

Exercise Angels

Pardon my hiatus. I’ve been busy with some preparations that I’ll get into in a moment, but first, I want to share the wreath shown above. It is made by The Baker’s Daughter.  I have always loved that exact style of retro angel and think she scored big finding a pink one.

Gratitude is the topic today and I thank my friend Janice for her post because it inspired me.

I have been working hard to get my body back into shape. I meditate, do emotional work, spiritual work, have been following a Paleo diet and until recently worked out very hard in what most people would agree is a tough program. I feel I have a fairly balanced approach and I cover all angles. My progress has been slow, but steady. Slips here and there, but overall pretty consistent since May.

However, as careful as the coaching is and as much as I’ve been shown and warned about proper form when lifting weight overhead, I managed to tear my rotator cuff in a big way.  Big enough to make surgery mandatory.  I don’t blame anyone or  even myself for this and realize that injuries happen, but I am trying to adjust to what most would consider a setback. I’ve spent the last few days making lists and planning for serious downtime and not being able to use my right arm for a couple of  months.

OK, so where exactly is the gratitude part of this post?

Several months ago I was working on the spiritual part of my weight loss/body image journey and I prayed for an earthbound exercise angel to come into my life.  Someone who would look past my large size and see my inner athlete.  Someone who would push me, but in my own language, not some generic boot camp jargon.  I found that person in my Crossfit Coach and have known this since day one.

I spoke with him yesterday about developing a series of workouts I can do at home during recovery because I won’t be able to drive the 45 miles to work out at the box.  While he was talking it occurred to me how lucky I am. Lucky that I have found someone who motivates me in a way that I respond to.  I’m not easy to coach…I’ll admit to bringing a lot of baggage to the box.  However, he never gives up. Someday I’ll be strong enough mentally and emotionally to motivate and hand myself my own support, but I asked for an exercise angel and I got one who gets better and better at sensing what I need.  I am so grateful.

This is longer than I intended, so let me close with what I think is an especially beautiful post written by a CrossFit woman who understands those days very well. I’ll ask everyone I know to remind me too:  Pick it up here

6 comments
November 1, 2011

a soft white damn

I have a major crush on soft white light. If you peruse the ethnic section of your grocery store you’ll find seven-day candles in glass jars for about $1.79 and yes…they do burn for seven days. I’ve been using them for years. And, I think I’ll be using this gem for years too:

“The snow doesn’t give a soft white damn whom it touches.”

ee cummings

Let’s noodle that around for a little while shall we?

Here’s Starlight by Muse-love

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