I like catching these random “messes” around the studio. Suddenly I’ll notice how what was simply me emptying my hand of crystal drops on the nearest flat surface (the windowsill) yesterday, is now a mini-scape of some sort.

Lot’s of contemplation the past few days. I am understanding myself better than ever and seeing, for lack of a better term, (or is it the best one?) my own geometry quite clearly.

I lack a certain type of creative discipline. I’d love to be paid to sit on a throne like an oracle and just toss out ideas for art and writing projects and let others go develop them. I like ideas and have great vision, in fact, I think my true gift is my creative vision, but so far, process is my greatest challenge.

We shall see. I’m working on it, but may have to go get a cup of coffee to help me stay focused.  They aren’t paleo, but man could I some blueberry pancakes!

Tet: 1975 Year of the Cat

Today

we all gain one year in age,

no matter the year we were born.

Tet, our New Year’s,

doubles as everyone’s birthday.

Now I am ten, learning

to embroider circular stitches,

to calculate fractions into percentages,

to nurse my papaya tree to bear many fruits.

But last night I pouted

when mother insisted

one of my brothers

must rise first

this morning

to bless our house

because only male feet

can bring luck.

An old angry knot

expanded in my throat.

I decided

to wake before dawn

and tap my big toe

to the tile floor

first.

Not even Mother

sleeping beside me, knew.

From Inside Out & Back Again by Thanhha Lai

Winner of the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature and based upon her own childhood as a Vietnamese immigrant to Alabama.

This book came into my life a few years ago. I highly recommend it.

Think about this quote and all that it means:

One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being.
May Sarton

Sometimes it feels that way doesn’t it?

Though perhaps at times we mix up our priorities and our standards are too high. How many of us feel indecent because we decided not to go to a party in favor of staying home in pajamas and watching a movie?  Or because we forgot to write “Happy Birthday!” on a facebook friend’s wall?  Some cringe at the thought of surprise visitors because we deem our housekeeping lacking.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have life standards or some kind of personal code of decency, but I think it’s common to worry about indecent exposure over things that shouldn’t matter all that much. I find striking a balance between my true life code and the inconsequential things a bit of a challenge.  Just when I think I have my priorities in line I wind up feeling deep shame because I ate some cake or I become an apologist for my appearance when I know better.

Do you ever struggle to find your sense of balance in this way?

These are two greeting cards I received during the holidays. One came from Amsterdam and one came from just outside Washington D.C.

Notice the similarities. The colors and the flower in the center of the heart compared to the design on her dress. It is like they were made to go together, so now they do.

I’ll bet if you read this blog regularly you are starting to figure something out.

I don’t sleep.

I’m in an odd sleep cycle so I just go with it. I am hoping to break the pattern on my birthday (which is coming up). I made reservations for myself at a local bed and breakfast and I plan to sleep when I am there. I’m making sure my body knows this cycle of awake, awake, awake needs to end. Do you ever have a hunch that something will change shortly and know that trying to make it happen sooner is impossible?  It isn’t about too much caffeine or light or noise…it’s just here.

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.  ~Fran Lebowitz

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.  ~Charlotte Brontë

I’m not asleep… but that doesn’t mean I’m awake.  ~Author Unknown

The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can’t get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.  ~Edgar Watson Howe

It didn’t snow last night. I waited, but it never happened. Maybe later.

That cut crystal ball shown above has sat upon the dressers of women in my family for over 100 years. We’re a family of good intentions, but many things have been left behind, broken or lost along the way, so it is especially important to me. I don’t have a dresser, but I like it randomly placed around the apartment anyway.

The day ahead is busy. Writing, moving some boxes downstairs, hair appointment and maybe some pictures of my latest batch of nabat which turned out magnificently!

In the meantime…short and sweet:

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
– Havelock Ellis

I made this collage a few years ago and today I just realized how much I like the shape of the tree above anything else. I got rid of the collage a few months ago while on a cleaning binge.  At least I saved a picture of the branches, they may inspire me to make something entirely different down the road.

Here’s a little Sunday morning want:

I want to be a lost poem in a stranger’s coat pocket that conveys the importance of you, to assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams
I want all the possibilities of you in writing
I want to give you your reflection
I want your eyes on me, I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there and
I want everything before you, to follow us like a trail behind me
I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone
I want…I want so much I’m breathless
I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole in you’re pocket so I can sew it…….
I want your scar on my lips
I want your disappointments in my heart
I want your strength in my soul and I want your soul in my eyes

Nicole Burdette

I’m the first to admit that much spoken word poetry performance is beyond me for some reason. I guess I’m better seeing the words, but Andrea Gibson changes everything with:

“Letter To A Playground Bully from Andrea (age 8).”

Favorite lines:

There are better ways to move through an ocean than kicking

and

No, I am not “always crying”, I’m just thawing outside the lines

via

It’s Epiphany Eve and unfortunately our house is on lockdown because Mark and I are both sick. I may have to celebrate a little late this year.

I do have last year’s posts to refer you to:

more on Epiphany

last year’s celebration