Hope incense in burning…I need an infusion. These boys are playing…loud and heartfelt.
Journal making is progressing…for no one in particular…just for me right now and this is nice.
Winter blues seem to have set in, but perhaps it is deeper than that. I’ve been reading a lot about serotonin and dopamine levels and plan to add healthy food and activities that safely and naturally boost both. In the meantime, enjoy the day and maybe I’ll be back with some more journals later. If anyone out there has tips for pretty deep-set winter angst please feel free to comment.
Today didn’t go as planned and I had a hard time getting into some sort of alternative plan groove. So, I made a journal. I am not saying I’ve found yet another “new thing” to make, but I had a lot of fun piecing this together from scraps and love how seamless the look is.
OK, so maybe someday Manitowoc will have a Japanese restaurant and a gourmet deli stocked with organic treats and a movie theater that shows matinees on weekdays. In the meantime, I may be making more journals.
I think I’ll go for a walk first.
I like catching these random “messes” around the studio. Suddenly I’ll notice how what was simply me emptying my hand of crystal drops on the nearest flat surface (the windowsill) yesterday, is now a mini-scape of some sort.
Lot’s of contemplation the past few days. I am understanding myself better than ever and seeing, for lack of a better term, (or is it the best one?) my own geometry quite clearly.
I lack a certain type of creative discipline. I’d love to be paid to sit on a throne like an oracle and just toss out ideas for art and writing projects and let others go develop them. I like ideas and have great vision, in fact, I think my true gift is my creative vision, but so far, process is my greatest challenge.
We shall see. I’m working on it, but may have to go get a cup of coffee to help me stay focused. They aren’t paleo, but man could I some blueberry pancakes!
Tet: 1975 Year of the Cat
we all gain one year in age,
no matter the year we were born.
Tet, our New Year’s,
doubles as everyone’s birthday.
Now I am ten, learning
to embroider circular stitches,
to calculate fractions into percentages,
to nurse my papaya tree to bear many fruits.
But last night I pouted
when mother insisted
one of my brothers
must rise first
to bless our house
because only male feet
can bring luck.
An old angry knot
expanded in my throat.
to wake before dawn
and tap my big toe
to the tile floor
Not even Mother
sleeping beside me, knew.
Winner of the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature and based upon her own childhood as a Vietnamese immigrant to Alabama.
This book came into my life a few years ago. I highly recommend it.
Think about this quote and all that it means:
One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being.
Sometimes it feels that way doesn’t it?
Though perhaps at times we mix up our priorities and our standards are too high. How many of us feel indecent because we decided not to go to a party in favor of staying home in pajamas and watching a movie? Or because we forgot to write “Happy Birthday!” on a facebook friend’s wall? Some cringe at the thought of surprise visitors because we deem our housekeeping lacking.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have life standards or some kind of personal code of decency, but I think it’s common to worry about indecent exposure over things that shouldn’t matter all that much. I find striking a balance between my true life code and the inconsequential things a bit of a challenge. Just when I think I have my priorities in line I wind up feeling deep shame because I ate some cake or I become an apologist for my appearance when I know better.
Do you ever struggle to find your sense of balance in this way?
These are two greeting cards I received during the holidays. One came from Amsterdam and one came from just outside Washington D.C.
Notice the similarities. The colors and the flower in the center of the heart compared to the design on her dress. It is like they were made to go together, so now they do.
I’ll bet if you read this blog regularly you are starting to figure something out.
I don’t sleep.
I’m in an odd sleep cycle so I just go with it. I am hoping to break the pattern on my birthday (which is coming up). I made reservations for myself at a local bed and breakfast and I plan to sleep when I am there. I’m making sure my body knows this cycle of awake, awake, awake needs to end. Do you ever have a hunch that something will change shortly and know that trying to make it happen sooner is impossible? It isn’t about too much caffeine or light or noise…it’s just here.
Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. ~Fran Lebowitz
A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow. ~Charlotte Brontë
I’m not asleep… but that doesn’t mean I’m awake. ~Author Unknown
The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can’t get there, is the meanest feeling in the world. ~Edgar Watson Howe
This song is on right now…it puts me in a melancholy mood…a little emotional, but that isn’t such a bad thing. Not tonight anyway. Mark and Selkie are sleeping like babies and I’m reading, doing laundry and Spotify is meeting my music needs. Not too exciting for a Friday night, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
I will report more on the book later, but I am already knocked out by the beauty of the images and words.
In other news: Some versions of Paleo chocolate chip cookies are a bad experience, but as far as bad experiences go…
Two quotes have me thinking:
Rivers, ponds, lakes and streams – they all have different names, but they all contain water. just as religions do – they all contain truths.
And this one, which I relate to wholly and fully:
I restore myself when I’m alone.
I love this song:
It didn’t snow last night. I waited, but it never happened. Maybe later.
That cut crystal ball shown above has sat upon the dressers of women in my family for over 100 years. We’re a family of good intentions, but many things have been left behind, broken or lost along the way, so it is especially important to me. I don’t have a dresser, but I like it randomly placed around the apartment anyway.
The day ahead is busy. Writing, moving some boxes downstairs, hair appointment and maybe some pictures of my latest batch of nabat which turned out magnificently!
In the meantime…short and sweet:
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
– Havelock Ellis
My love for vintage textiles and patterns is no secret so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that it is 3:02 am here and I’m up looking at some of my favorites from this book (thanks mom). Most of these are from the mid 1800′s. Love.
After you lose yourself in the patterns, be sure to stop by here and get in on a $100 gift certificate for meat from US Wellness & Meats, unless you are a vegetarian, in which case you may prefer this one (I believe it goes until Tuesday morning).
I’ve been “juicing” like a madwoman lately. My new favorite blend is cucumber, pear, ginger and celery.
This video was/is inspiring.
I’d like to invite you to join in over at the Squam blog if you need a little help or motivation in the day to day with short or long-term projects. You can post your need/resolution/intention or what you need to be dared to do and check in every Thursday.
If you read the comments you will be knocked out by the support being demonstrated…women to women. Women declare their intentions from organizing, finishing writing projects, doing taxes, losing weight or even simply becoming a little less introverted.
I’m not exactly a team player when it comes to my needs and asking for help, but I did state my desire for a little accountability in the juicing/paleo diet area of my life. I dared myself to make more smoothies and juices. I intuitively know this is a good practice for me right now.
Go on over…I Double Dog Dare you! If that isn’t “it” for you, I understand, but invite you to share one of your yearly intentions in the comments here. I’d love to hear from you….
In the meantime…a little Ane is always nice.
I made this collage a few years ago and today I just realized how much I like the shape of the tree above anything else. I got rid of the collage a few months ago while on a cleaning binge. At least I saved a picture of the branches, they may inspire me to make something entirely different down the road.
Here’s a little Sunday morning want:
I want to be a lost poem in a stranger’s coat pocket that conveys the importance of you, to assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams
I want all the possibilities of you in writing
I want to give you your reflection
I want your eyes on me, I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there and
I want everything before you, to follow us like a trail behind me
I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone
I want…I want so much I’m breathless
I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole in you’re pocket so I can sew it…….
I want your scar on my lips
I want your disappointments in my heart
I want your strength in my soul and I want your soul in my eyes
“Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, ‘You owe me.’
Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole world.”
Try, if you can, to listen to this song once and not have the words….
I am in
deep with you darlin.
swimming around your head. psssssssssssst….play it loud.
I’m the first to admit that much spoken word poetry performance is beyond me for some reason. I guess I’m better seeing the words, but Andrea Gibson changes everything with:
“Letter To A Playground Bully from Andrea (age 8).”
There are better ways to move through an ocean than kicking
No, I am not “always crying”, I’m just thawing outside the lines