I’ve been away from the blog for awhile but this is a good thing.  It means I’ve been busy! Here are some shots from my new beading room.

And last, but not least…and exciting little preview of what I’m bringing to D.I.Y. in Green Bay tomorrow.  I’m hoping to get back to teaching my gemstone workshops soon!

I’ve just returned from Chicago. It was a rather trying time and I’m glad to be home sooner than expected.  I’ve learned a lot over the past year and one of the biggest lessons is how to feed and nourish myself without consuming orange soda and Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies.  Coming home to lilacs, lily of the Valley and irises in bloom is as good as a shot of vitamin B for my mood and energy.  I love this house and all the plants that came with it.  A little glass teapot of dainty stems in the sun room has filled me up. . .

to the top.

I plan to post more often, but am on the run today.

Here is something to hold you until the next time.  Do you ever long to find your “Kindreds”? People who share your passions? I think I found one.  I haven’t approached her yet, but I have a feeling we’d do some good collaboration on a songwriting project I’ve been keeping private!

My girl loves this house. She races from window to window following the kids who pass by every weekday morning and afternoon. The house was built in 1888 and has three window seats. I pulled the cushions off because they are thin and worn, but plan to stitch up some covers modeled after pillowcases by fall. I think they’ll see a lot of action.

I’m busy now. . .back to Chicago for who knows how long to help care for my grandmother. I do this because it is right to do and I want to help, but she has entered the abusive stage of old age and it wears me out.  Her verbal/emotional abuse is becoming epic and is mostly directed towards me because I was the “change maker” when it came to her move from her home and loss of independence. She’ll be ninety-one soon and has two kinds of cancer and emphysema so it is remarkable that she lived on her own for so long anyway.

I recently told my brother that the grandma I loved is long gone and I said my goodbyes and made my peace with her. Now, we are left caring for this tiny frail body which houses a personality that makes Mama Lift look like a real sweetheart!

Recently, she threw a fit about something and called me a, “Fat, ugly, sticky-fingered goblin-faced dirty louse!”  She warned me that I am never to call her grandma again because I’m too mean to be her granddaughter. 

Later, she fretted because I wasn’t wearing a coat when we went to the doctor and she worried that my arms would be cold. I commented that her remarks almost sounded grandmotherly and that I might listen if they were coming from someone who allowed me to call her grandma. 

She looked at me and said, ” I’m a bitch. I’ve been so horrible-awful. Just terrible.  I don’t know why I cannot stop myself from saying horrible-awful things.”  I replied that she’s angry, feels like she has no control, is dying with many life regrets and that getting sick and old sucks. 

A few days before we’d had a discussion because she didn’t understand the term “validate your feelings”. It’s one that her caregiver uses frequently.

She thanked me for so “eloquently” validating her feelings and we had a good laugh. Her sense of humor is still hanging in there. 

I’ll be camping before I return to her care.  A full report on the trip will appear in a week or two.

In the meantime. . .This is from Rachael Rice…love her music.

Put a Little Love in your Heart

I am also going camping soon.

Right now I am playing a vintage Nina Simone record that once belonged to my grandmother, then my father and now me.  I am on the downstairs of a big old Victorian house with hardwood floors, hodgepodge but loved furniture and even though it is dark and I can’t see out of the windows, I know the herb garden I dug and planted is out there. There are lilacs budding as well as more Lily of the Valley flowers than my neighbor Jeanne would care to count. She’s not a fan because they have a habit of spreading and taking over, but I’ve always fantasized about having them grow on land I tend.

The house is still and so am I. I think I hear us breathing.  Me, the house and Nina. Unpacking is slow, but I’m settling in. The lilacs are tall enough to reach my bedroom window on the second floor.  I need sleep, but that’s nothing new.  I have a grandmother in hospice care who has become paranoid enough to think I’m stealing from her. I miss my father terribly and I’ve been a little depressed. Yet, in this moment I couldn’t be more content or feel more peaceful.  This house is shelter for my spirit and a long awaited dream come true. I think it is mutual.  I have fallen in love with this house and it has fallen in love with me.

A few pics of small happenings around here. You’ll have to take my word for it when it comes to the tiny feather that blew away before I could snap a photo, but if you look closely at one of the pictures, you will see the dainty blue egg shell I found the same day. The unpacking is slow, but little sections are coming together. I always hang the art and place the plants last. Finished pictures will be posted in good time.

The bouquet is the first of the season. Lily of the Valley, Violets and chive flowers.

I’ve been introduced to a poet by Liane over at enhabiten.

I want to share him too.

John Spaulding

Happy Valentine’s Day.  I’ve been waiting to share this poem…

Carnal Apple, Woman Filled, Burning Moon,

It isn’t ee, but that’s OK…it gets the job done.

And because it’s funny to me at least:

]]> http://deeperthanallroses.com/2013/02/14/nothing-but-light-in-the-dark/feed/ 2 lauraroses pablo diet http://deeperthanallroses.com/2013/01/28/changes/ http://deeperthanallroses.com/2013/01/28/changes/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2013 16:46:00 +0000 laura http://deeperthanallroses.com/?p=784 ]]>

“Had Seu Jorge not recorded my songs in Portuguese I would never have heard this new level of beauty which he has imbued them with.”

David Bowie

Things are changing over here…we have almost completely locked up our move to a gorgeous house. Just need to sign the lease before I start jumping up and down.  I am feeling good about the next chapter in our lives and how our time will be spent in a place where so many of our comfort needs (light, space, air, flowers) will be met.  I can’t wait.

Seu Jorge is a new discovery for me. If you like the one above, you will have to cancel all of your plans today if you watch this one because you will be unable to anything but stare dreamily out of a window…for hours.

Ever since I gave up my “separate from the house” studio, I’ve been struggling to find a place for art in my life. I’m writing more than I ever have, but I still have the urge to make things once in awhile.

We are planning a move into a house not yet rented (but maybe found?) and I look forward to having some space to spread out. I’d love to just have all my tools out and waiting for me to accept the call of my muses even if I abandon the project midway.

I carved out a teeny space in our teeny apartment (430-460 square feet for two adults and a dog) and a few weeks ago realized that tiny as it is, it is a nice little place for me to write or toy with my art supplies.

It reminds me of this Julia Cameron (I think) quote:

“The capacity for delight is the ability to pay attention.”

I’m doing OK in this area.

For sure.

And speaking of doing OK?

Notice my vintage text thrift score…all letters (upper and lower), numbers and symbols for $8.00. I am thrilled.  Over the moon!

Have a fine day.

Good Sunday morning all.

I want to share the card I pulled for myself this morning from my set of Mystic Art Medicine cards.  It is a picture of Mother Pearl….think of Janis Joplin unleashed with creative expression, feathers in her hair, adorned in beads and scarves, wild and caught up in a rocking soul opening spiritual jam session. Knowing who she is, loving who she is, in touch with the best of herself and truly radiating from her center.  WOW!

It sounds great, but we also know the side of Janis that strayed from her center with tragic results.

Folks, I need this card because I have strayed very far from my center.

It isn’t that I have tried to conform to everyone’s expectation of who I should be. I have tried to conform to my own expectation of who I should be.  I used to feel wild, untamed and bursting at the seams with creativity. I liked feeling endless and wired for full-on expression, however I didn’t do balance very well and would wind up overdoing it and neglecting my physical body. Plus, at times I was afraid of my own energy because I felt “crazy”.  I tried to tame myself so I could feel more stable and found that food was a powerful tool and not in a good way (though it succeeded in the way I needed at the time). I ate sugar and junk because it brought me way down and numbed me. My body became heavy and weighted (literally weighted by over 100 pounds of extra ballast).  I didn’t have the energy to think, feel or act in ways that challenged me or the people around me.

I’ve begun learning how to use food as a powerful tool to fuel and free my body instead of numbing it. It’s scary. I mean, it’s good, but it still freaks me out because I’ve begun to have sudden bursts of energy again.  Instead of trusting they will balance out, I’ve found myself feeling afraid. Afraid I’ll get out of control, move too fast and burn myself out in mania. Yet, I also know that I am a different person now.

In the past I was disconnected from my center and didn’t trust. These days I am learning to trust myself with the wand that is my spirit.

I’m learning that I won’t blow up everything in the room just by using it.

Does that make sense to anyone out there?

OK…and I am a little late with randomly generated numbers, but the number that came up was 5!

5

Random numbers generated Dec 16 2012 at 11:32:16 by http://www.psychicscience.org  
Free educational resources for parapsychology, psychical research & mind magic.

Congratulation dear Daisy! Please send your email address to: littleorangelaura(at)comcast.net! You are going to love Meg’s book!

I have to share the good news!

There are many talented women on the internet who love to give things away!

Yes. It’s true. Lucky us!

I feel compelled to list a few here tonight.  I do hope you’ll visit their blogs and sites and become familiar with their work.

• First on the hit parade is Susannah Conway’s offering Unravelling The Year Ahead 2013.  This is available as a gifted download here. I printed mine off and took it to a coffee shop this afternoon. I didn’t rush. I took all the time necessary not only to bid a loving farewell to 2012, but to set clear and concise goals for 2013.  It astounds me that this substantial offering is completely free.  Please pass it on.

• Then we have a book giveaway over on Susan Tuttle’s blog. She is offering a lucky reader a free copy of Personal Geographies: Explorations in Mixed Media Mapmaking! by Jill K. Berry. The book is gorgeous and the perfect tool to make artful and inspired maps of your personal journies. What a great way to chart the voyage of your life or the corners of your world.  Just hop over here, look around and leave a comment.

• I adore Laura Luquin and she has a gift for anyone who longs to deepen their connection with Nature.  Signs and Symbols in Nature: A Beginner’s Guide for Enhancing Awareness of Spirit Guides and Messengers…is yours to download for free if you click here.

• Every now and then you find a blogger who feels like a kindred spirit from the start.  I was struck by Lis over at Dandelion Seeds and Dreams the moment I found her blog.  She recently collaborated with a group of five wise souls to put together a workshop called The Bones of Wisdom: Identifying and Collecting Deep Personal Meaning.  She is generously offering one gifted spot in the workshop all for the price of a comment.  I hope this workshop lands in the hands of a person who really needs the connection!

• OK. Now we have the advent event going on over at A Butterfly in my hair.   I barely know where to start. Let’s just say that it is 20 days of 2 giveaways a day of indie handmade beauty! You need do nothing but leave a comment on any of the posts appearing daily that show an item you have become enchanted by. The winners are drawn a few days later and this keeps happening for 20 whole fricking days!!!!  Do not be shy…enter every single one!

• And, last but not least. I am doing a little giveaway over here! My marvelous health coach Meg has written an ebook called Salad Alchemy. It is so wonderful that I recently purchased a package of them to gift to friends this holiday season. Well, I have one left and I want to share it with you! Please leave a comment here and I will do a drawing on December 15th. You can comment right up to 11:59 on the 14th! I will announce the winner shortly after.  Trust me, this book will change how you think about salad. My friend Kelly sent me this comment after making one of Meg’s magical salads.

“Ok, I tried the Power salad today, and it was pretty amazing.

Great colors, textures and flavor. It really looked and tasted like powerful sacred food.”