In just these two pages of Marilyn Monroe’s diary/journal/notebook one can see how she was doing her best to work through complex issues. Some of it may be hard to read because of her handwriting. On the first page she is realizing that she is still obeying her Aunt Ida (her foster-mother), a woman who humiliated her often as a child.
Here is most of the first section…someone had the nerve to criticize her spelling…my God, I hope no one ever sees my journals. It makes me angry that there are people who view these words as finished poems and criticize them for being so poorly written. What? It is clear they were being “worked”. It is also clear some were just thoughts. Anyone who has ever attempted to write a poem based on inner feelings should understand the horror of dying only to have your thoughts surface as “finished works”.
Ida — I have still
been obeying her —
it’s not only harmful
for me to do so
but unrealality because
life starts from Now ….
working (doing my tasks that I
have set for myself)
On the stage — I will
not be punished for it
or be whipped
or be threatened
or not be loved
or sent to hell to burn with bad people
feeling that I am also bad.
or be afraid of my [genitals] being
exposed known and seen —
or ashamed of my
sensitive feelings —
Other words of wisdom:
“I will be as sensitive as I am without being ashamed of it.”
“I haven’t had faith in life, meaning reality. Whatever is is or happens, there is nothing to hold onto but reality. To realize the present, whatever it may be. Because that’s how it is and it’s much better.”
“Its not to much fun to know yourself to well or think you do—everyone needs a little conciet to carry them through & past the falls.”
I am an avid reader of self-help and women’s discovery blogs. Let me tell you…similar words are all over the internet. Shame is a common theme among women (men too, but they don’t blog about it as much). I find her words sad, wise and deeply moving.
Here is a wonderful article on how they came to be.
If that’s too heavy for you on a gorgeous Saturday morning, feel free to hop over here for some culinary inspiration.